Nothing But the Bare Facts! I’m sitting in a desk in tenth grade Science class without a stitch of clothing. Everyone is pointing and staring. All I want to do is run from the room and escape, but the knowledge that standing up will be a million times worse keeps me in my seat. My cheeks are hot, my face is flushed, and I don’t even want to think of all the parts that are blushing.
“Remarkable bird, id’nit, squire? Lovely plumage!” Young turkeys don’t gobble, they trill. It’s a sweet sound, that makes them seem slightly less buzzard-like. Which is a good thing, because let’s face it, turkeys and Muscovy ducks are the avian equivalents of Quasimodo. Our turkeys are Bourbon Reds. This is a heritage breed, and I believe they are ‘less unattractive’ than their hybrid counterparts. My husband likes the coloring on their feathers. I, however, agree with John Cleese, who famously said, “Plumage don’t enter into it”! Turkey faces look like buzzard faces!
Who wants to be Mary Poppins anyway? Please read the following, with your tongue firmly planted in your cheek. All the meat we eat is pastured, organic, soy-free, GMO-free, and home raised. We formulate and hand mix our livestock feed. We never pick up rotisserie chicken from town. Because, no matter how badly life gets the hiccoughs, I am perfectly prepared at all times. Our garden is lush, green, and weed free. Any gigantic Texas grasshopper attempting to sample the goods immediately poofs out of existence when it crosses into the Brassica Triangle. Produce is harvested daily and immediately eaten