Fridays at the Funny Farm: The Fall of Woman

Fridays at the Funny Farm:  The Fall of Woman

If you have more than one child (or siblings), I’m sure you’ve experienced the oldest and most annoying game in the world!  Thankfully, my kids are past the age for this ‘entertaining’ game.  However, I noticed a friend’s boys indulging in a rousing round the other day.  Suddenly, I remembered my husband saying he used this strategy to annoy his older sister.

I was struck that though kids change, they remain the same.  I mean they may live on cell phones, game systems, and computers, but a good round of sibling baiting gives joy and meaning to childish lives!  In fact, I think the first round of this game was played just outside the Garden of Eden!  I’ll bet it went something like this:

Eve was calmly picking apples for pie.  She was relaxed and peaceful.  Her bare feet brushing the soft grass.  The idyllic scene shattered as she heard Cain whine, “MAMA! He’s touching me!”

I’m not touching you!” Abel sang back, with a gleeful smirk and a finger held a gnat’s eyelash away from Cain’s left arm.  Cain continued to call for Eve’s help, “Mama! Mama! Make him quit!”  At that point, Eve realized that grapes for wine might be better than apples for pie! 

Able, still smirking taunted, “Quit what? I’m…not…touching…yoooou!” (Imagine this in a REALLY annoying brother’s sing-song chant.)  At that, the finger moved, hovering up and around Cain’s face and head, then back to his arm, never quite making contact.  Cain, provoked beyond what any brother could take, punched Abel.

Abel fell melodramatically back against a tree.  He howled like a banshee.  His bump on the tree knocked a serpent from the upper branches to the ground.  Eve, hands on hips in frustration, fought the urge to grab her boys by the napes of the neck and shake them until their teeth rattled!

The snake looked at Eve in feigned commiseration.  It was the serpent that had enticed her to commit the first sin, and it took her in again.  It sibilantly tempted that if she ate ‘thissss piece of fruit, sssshe [could] have five minutessss (and a bathroom break) all to hersssself…. with no whiny kidssss’.

Desperate to avoid filicide, Eve snarfed the fruit and discovered:

The Sin of Comfort Eating.

We’re all familiar with the fall of Man.  Now, you have my theory regarding Woman’s fall from grace.  This fall explains the chocolate in my Eve’s bedside table.  It also explains why I believe justifiable homicide may have been a valid defense in the world’s first murder case!  Anyone who plays, “I’m not touching you”, totally has it coming in my book!

Do your kids play, “I’m not touching you?”  Did you torture your siblings with it?  Are you responsible for the chocolate in your mom’s bedside table?  Leave me a comment if you have time!

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  1. I love this! I once found a Mother’s Day card that had “He touched me. She touched me first.” on the front and inside “Touching moments from our childhood.” My brother and I both signed it for our mom. She of course laughed though she was probably crying in some deep dark corner on the inside.

    1. I love it! I bet your mom did too. I bet she is able to laugh on the inside too, now that y’all are grown and no longer baiting each other. Thanks for stopping by, and have a great week!

  2. I’m seeing something similar happening between the daughters boyfriend(27) and his sister(29). For financial reasons they bought a house together 2 years ago. Now that our daughter(25) is on the scene, there is quite a bit of friction between the siblings. The boyfriend recently had an operation and spent a few days in hospital. On his return home the sister stated, in front of several of her friends, “I guess I’m going to have to get used to you living in MY HOUSE again”. Instead of “he’s touching me”, it’s now ” This is MY HOUSE”. We all sit back and watch the boyfriend trying to deal with it in an adult manner. We laugh, but he doesn’t.

    1. Wow! It sounds like they need space! We think we outgrow that stuff, but I think we just get our own spaces and distance makes the sibling less irritating! Sister dear sounds like she might be a bit of a challenge to ‘adult’ with! I bet it’s hard for your daughter. I know nothing sets me off like someone picking on my husband or kids. When Liam was a boyfriend, it was the same. We’re all a little over protective. I hope all is going well where you are!

  3. Oops forgot the most important part of my commenting. I hope that you are well out of the way of Hurricane Harvey, and that the rain depression that results does not cause issues in your area. You’ve just had flooding so I hope you don’t get anymore. Take care.

    1. We are well north of the flooding. We have had cooler weather and a little rain from the storm, but none of the damage. I have a friend who is a nurse in Houston (where much of the damage is), she’s been stuck at the hospital since Friday! Our hospital helped them evacuate a lot of their kids, but not every got out.

      Things are slowly calming down around here. I hope things are going well for you and yours!

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